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My clinic is available daytimes every weekday except Thursdays, plus Tuesday evenings.  I offer in-person (which I tend to recommend if it can work for you), and online if requested. 

Overview

Much of my work is with couples.  I also offer counselling to individuals with a relationship focus, whether it’s a partner or work or family relationships.  

My main training is at leading centre for relationship therapy.  As a male therapist I’m one of a relatively small number working in this field.  Although it’s a generalisation, getting started in therapy can be a bit uncomfortable for men, as we’re brought up not to talk about how we feel. I try to encourage this to happen.   

Therapy is my second career.  Before this I worked to board level in marketing consultancies.  My thirty-odd years in the business world equips me with an understanding of the pressures facing many busy Surrey families.  

Now a little detail about couples therapy

I was instinctively drawn to working with people on their relationships, perhaps because the couple relationship is more than the sum of the two individuals; it’s about how their similarities and their differences create a unique combination. The relationship becomes an entity in itself.  

Over time, though, what brings us together and works so well at first can start to go adrift.  Differences can become problems instead of positive. Or, too much ‘sameness’ can lead to boredom or frustration.  Arguments can form, or the opposite - coldness, distance or indifference. Perhaps difficulties with sex and intimacy. 

As well as working on communication and understanding, I can help you to see your relationship in a different way, understand why it works, or why it worked, what’s been lost and how to regain it. 

Seeking Individual Therapy? 

I work with individuals, both men and women,  on their intimate relationships whatever the dilemma - a current one that could be better, whether to stay or go, difficulties in finding or keeping a partner. 

Sometimes it’s a work focus, and while I’m not a professional coach I can help people with who they are at work, and who they’d like to be.  Often it’s about the pulls between work and family.

I work from my own private consulting room in central Esher.  I can also offer online therapy.  

The first step is for us to explore what you what you want to get out of therapy. I can help open up some open conversations, including stuff you might have been holding on to for some time, in a safe and neutral space, away from home and family.

We can then start to gain clarity on the issues and to see things differently. In short, I can help you explore whether you can find a fresh start.

I work with many different kinds of people, both individuals and couples. I will always try to respect and understand you, whatever your beliefs, behaviours and values. 

My training is loosely based on psychodynamic principles, which involves considering possible links between our childhood experiences and how we are as adults.  However that’s only an element of the work, and I will always try to focus on what you would like to achieve and how you would like to work with me. 

I have worked with couples and individuals with different backgrounds and demographics, for example gay and lesbian couples and individuals; with couples with different family heritage who can sometimes find it hard to find their combined family identity; with British born Asian people who can find balancing the traditions of their families of origin with Western European culture. 

I generally offer weekly sessions, continuing for as long as you wish. These are normally on the same day time at the same time each week, however I offer flexibility as much as possible for any sessions you are unable to attend, and can also offer online as an alternative if you are away.  I do charge a fee for missed sessions.  I can explain more about this in the initial consultation. 

My standard sessions are for 50 minutes, whether you are coming as an individual or a couple. The initial consultation session is also 50 minutes, but much more of a Q and A than subsequent sessions.  It’s of course mostly a space for you to talk about what’s going on with you, and what you’d like to be different.

There is of course no obligation to continue past the initial, consultation - it’s a taster for you to give you a feel for what it would be like to work with me.  I can answer any questions you may have about the process or anything else.  

For couples, I will sometimes offer a slightly longer initial consultation to allow plenty of time for you both to talk about how you see the issues.

If you are looking for couples therapy on behalf of you and your partner, I think it’s best that you talk together about the idea of couples therapy first before getting too far down the line to booking a session. It’s common that one partner sees that there are relationship issues while the other isn’t ready to recognise this. Sometimes this needs a bit of time to sink in. 

When you are ready to book an initial session, this is often the best way to start, so both partners are there, to give their individual perspectives on the issues from the outset.   If however you would like to talk with me first on the phone, we can have an initial conversation. Or, if you prefer, I can offer a free 20 minute zoom session to both you and your partner.